{"id":4913,"date":"2014-02-14T17:21:03","date_gmt":"2014-02-14T09:21:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/akikolingoland.com\/?p=4913"},"modified":"2015-05-21T21:23:39","modified_gmt":"2015-05-21T13:23:39","slug":"i-love-you-the-chinese-way","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/akikolingoland.com\/en\/i-love-you-the-chinese-way\/","title":{"rendered":"I love you &#8211; the Chinese way"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Are you aware that for the Chinese, it&#8217;s double Valentine&#8217;s this year?<\/p>\n<p>CNY ends today, the 15th of the first month. This day is called \u5143\u5bb5\u8282 (Yu\u00e1nxi\u0101o Ji\u00e9) or \u706f\u8282 (D\u0113ng Ji\u00e9 &#8211; Lantern Festival). It is also regarded as the traditional Chinese Valentine&#8217;s Day. Girls in the past were not allowed to get out of the house like we do today, but it is said that on this day, they could go to the Lantern Festival, where they had the opportunity to meet young men. It happens that for the year 2014, the Lantern Festival falls on February 14th. As is to be expected, the number of couples getting married this day is much higher than other days. (See report <a href=\"http:\/\/www.straitstimes.com\/breaking-news\/singapore\/story\/more-240-couples-set-wed-feb-14-date-both-valentines-day-and-yuan-xiao\" target=\"_blank\">here<\/a>.)<\/p>\n<p>The topic today is not about the Lantern Festival though. Rather, I would like to talk about the concept of love in Chinese culture. I&#8217;m often asked by foreigners what is &#8216;I love you&#8217; in Mandarin. It&#8217;s very short and sweet &#8211; &#8220;\u6211\u7231\u4f60&#8221; (w\u01d2 \u00e0i n\u01d0). But the bigger question is, I think, how natural is this expression to Chinese ears?<\/p>\n<p>If we look at Chinese love songs, we can find many &#8216;I love you&#8217; phrases. Here are some famous songs.<\/p>\n<p>\u300a\u5c0f\u8587\u300b\uff08Xi\u01ceow\u0113i\uff09<br \/>\n<div class=\"video-container\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"\u9ec3\u54c1\u6e90 Huang Pin Yuan\u3010\u5c0f\u8587 Xiao Wei\u3011Official Music Video\" width=\"500\" height=\"375\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/0mJVGdaGz6c?feature=oembed&wmode=opaque\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/div>\nRight at the beginning the young men scream at the top of their lungs &#8216;w\u01d2 \u00e0i n\u01d0&#8217;. In the song, there is also\u00a0\u201c\u4f60\u53ef\u77e5\u9053\u6211\u591a\u7231\u4f60\u201d (N\u01d0 k\u011b zh\u012bdao w\u01d2 du\u014d \u00e0i n\u01d0 &#8211; Do you know how much I love you).<\/p>\n<p>\u300a\u7ea6\u5b9a\u300b\uff08Yu\u0113d\u00ecng\uff09<br \/>\n<a href=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=h6tocDT-qqY\">http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=h6tocDT-qqY<\/a>\nAt the end of the song, there is the promise &#8220;\u6211\u4f1a\u597d\u597d\u5730\u7231\u4f60 \u50bb\u50bb\u7231\u4f60&#8221; (W\u01d2 hu\u00ec h\u01ceohao de \u00e0i n\u01d0, sh\u01cesh\u01ce \u00e0i n\u01d0 &#8211; I will love you well, I will love you like a fool)<\/p>\n<p>\u300a\u4f60\u600e\u4e48\u820d\u5f97\u6211\u96be\u8fc7\u300b\uff08N\u01d0 z\u011bnme sh\u011bde w\u01d2 n\u00e1ngu\u00f2\uff09<br \/>\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"20130125\u3010\u6211\u662f\u6b4c\u624b\u3011\u5c1a\u96ef\u5a55 \u300a\u4f60\u600e\u9ebc\u6368\u5f97\u6211\u96e3\u904e\u300b\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/uTPo7QCSRP0?feature=oembed&wmode=opaque\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n&#8220;\u6700\u7231\u4f60\u7684\u4eba\u662f\u6211\uff0c\u4f60\u600e\u4e48\u820d\u5f97\u6211\u96be\u8fc7&#8221; (Zu\u00ec \u00e0i n\u01d0 de r\u00e9n sh\u00ec w\u01d2, n\u01d0 z\u011bnme sh\u011bde w\u01d2 n\u00e1ngu\u00f2 &#8211; I am the one who loves you most, how could you hurt me so)<\/p>\n<p>\u300a\u7231\u4f60\u7231\u4f60\u300b\uff08\u00c0i n\u01d0 \u00e0i n\u01d0\uff09<br \/>\n<div class=\"video-container\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Kimberley\u9673\u82b3\u8a9e\u300a\u611b\u4f60AINI\u300bOfficial MV(HD)\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/KGrulNiJ6Uc?feature=oembed&wmode=opaque\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/div>\nThis is a recent song. The phrase &#8216;I love you&#8217; does not only assume the title but is also repeated.<\/p>\n<p>Songs are supposed to reflect people&#8217;s emotions, so if you hear it often in songs, you should also hear it from real people, right? Turns out it might not be true. Traditional Chinese people are not used to expressing themselves candidly. \u201c\u542b\u84c4\u201d (h\u00e1nx\u00f9 &#8211; being implicit) is considered a virtue of sorts, and people in general prefer to beat around the bush and be euphemistic. Displaying everything in its totality, especially emotions, is not quite in sync with the Chinese psyche. &#8220;W\u01d2 \u00e0i n\u01d0&#8221; is ultimately a Western concept. Lovers hardly use it. It is even less common to hear it among family members. To openly and overly express one&#8217;s feelings can be seen as &#8220;\u8089\u9ebb&#8221; (r\u00f2um\u00e1 &#8211; nauseating).<\/p>\n<h3>\u7231 (\u00e0i)\u3001\u559c\u6b22 (x\u01d0huan)\u3001\u75bc (t\u00e9ng) to love, to like or to dote<\/h3>\n<p>It is perhaps a good idea to be acquainted with other terms of affection. Apart from &#8220;\u7231&#8221; (\u00e0i), two other terms come to mind &#8211; &#8220;\u559c\u6b22&#8221; (x\u01d0huan) and &#8220;\u75bc&#8221; (t\u00e9ng). To begin with, &#8220;\u7231&#8221; (\u00e0i) is a huge word, and to my mind, not a term to be used easily. Someone who easily rattles out words of deep affection might also be viewed as unreliable. Even if one wanted to convey one&#8217;s adoration, it is more common to say &#8220;\u6211\u559c\u6b22\u4f60&#8221; (W\u01d2 x\u01d0huan n\u01d0 &#8211; I like you).<\/p>\n<p>However, the most common term is probably &#8220;\u75bc&#8221; (t\u00e9ng), which would translate to &#8216;to dote on, to be very fond of&#8217;. It might not sound exactly like the kind of love Westerners can immediately understand. In general, this is a feeling you might have to someone younger or someone you want to take care of. So parents\u00a0&#8216;t\u00e9ng&#8217; their children, teachers\u00a0&#8216;t\u00e9ng&#8217; their students, boyfriends\u00a0&#8216;t\u00e9ng&#8217; their girlfriends. It is also a common view that if a woman finds a man who\u00a0&#8216;t\u00e9ng&#8217;s&#8217; her (pardon the weird English!), then she is on the right track to happiness. This mindset, however, is changing, I believe. Now that women are more on par with men, some do not want to be loved this way. When I was a teenager, I had a classmate who told me she didn&#8217;t want to have a husband who would\u00a0&#8216;t\u00e9ng&#8217; her. At the time, I was baffled to hear this.<\/p>\n<p>\u300a\u7231\u4f60\u5728\u5fc3\u53e3\u96be\u5f00\u300b\uff08\u00c0i n\u01d0 z\u00e0i x\u012bn k\u01d2u n\u00e1n k\u0101i)<br \/>\n<div class=\"video-container\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"\u9cf3\u98db\u98db\u597d\u6b4cMV  \u300a\u7231\u4f60\u5728\u5fc3\u53e3\u96be\u5f00\u300b\" width=\"500\" height=\"375\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/5tiyS6FslEs?feature=oembed&wmode=opaque\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/div>\nThe title of this song means &#8216;I love you in my heart but I can&#8217;t say it aloud&#8217;. This probably sums up the Chinese way of love. In fact, many feel that it is not even necessary to express love verbally. Rather than expressing it directly, it is more common to convey feelings through action. By action, I do not mean kissing, of course. Showing concern to the other person over small matters and being attentive to minor details would be the norm. Even being jealous is meant to show he or she loves you (perhaps overly zealous).<\/p>\n<p>Rather than &#8220;w\u01d2 \u00e0i n\u01d0&#8221;, it sounds more natural to say &#8220;\u6211\u5173\u5fc3\u4f60&#8221; (W\u01d2 gu\u0101nx\u012bn n\u01d0 &#8211; I care about you) or &#8220;\u6211\u62c5\u5fc3\u4f60&#8221; (W\u01d2 d\u0101nx\u012bn n\u01d0 &#8211; I worry about you). These expressions however are also common among friends, so it might be quite ambiguous.<\/p>\n<p>If you have to show in certainty your affection, these are some other expressions used.<\/p>\n<p>W\u01d2 du\u00ec n\u01d0 sh\u00ec zh\u0113nx\u012bn de<br \/>\n\u6211\u5bf9\u4f60\u662f\u771f\u5fc3\u7684\u3002<br \/>\nMy feelings to you are true.<\/p>\n<p>N\u01d0 zh\u012bdao w\u01d2 zu\u00ec t\u00e9ng n\u01d0 de<br \/>\n\u4f60\u77e5\u9053\u6211\u6700\u75bc\u4f60\u7684\u3002<br \/>\nYou know I dote on you most.<\/p>\n<p>W\u01d2 z\u00e0ihu n\u01d0<br \/>\n\u6211\u5728\u4e4e\u4f60\u3002<br \/>\nI care about you.<\/p>\n<p>W\u01d2 de x\u012bny\u00ec n\u01d0 h\u00e1i b\u00f9 d\u01d2ng ma<br \/>\n\u6211\u7684\u5fc3\u610f\u4f60\u8fd8\u4e0d\u61c2\u5417\uff1f<br \/>\nDon&#8217;t you know my heart by now?<\/p>\n<p>W\u01d2 h\u011bn xi\u01ceng n\u01d0<br \/>\n\u6211\u5f88\u60f3\u4f60\u3002<br \/>\nI miss you.<\/p>\n<p>W\u01d2 x\u012bnli zh\u01d0 y\u01d2u n\u01d0<br \/>\n\u6211\u5fc3\u91cc\u53ea\u6709\u4f60\u3002<br \/>\nYou are the only one in my heart.<\/p>\n<p>W\u01d2 zh\u01d0 du\u00ec n\u01d0 h\u01ceo<br \/>\n\u6211\u53ea\u5bf9\u4f60\u597d\u3002<br \/>\nI am affectionate only to you. (literally, I am kind to no others except you.)<\/p>\n<p>N\u01d0 du\u00ec w\u01d2 zu\u00ec h\u01ceo le<br \/>\n\u4f60\u5bf9\u6211\u6700\u597d\u4e86\u3002<br \/>\nYou love me most. (literally, you treat me best.)<\/p>\n<p>N\u01d0 ch\u012bc\u00f9 le ma<br \/>\n\u4f60\u5403\u918b\u4e86\u5417\uff1f<br \/>\nAre you jealous?<\/p>\n<p>W\u01d2 y\u00e0o y\u00edb\u00e8izi b\u01ceoh\u00f9\/ zh\u00e0ogu n\u01d0<br \/>\n\u6211\u8981\u4e00\u8f88\u5b50\u4fdd\u62a4\/\u7167\u987e\u4f60\u3002<br \/>\nI will protect you my whole life.<\/p>\n<p>Xi\u00e0 b\u00e8izi w\u01d2 y\u011b y\u00e0o g\u0113n n\u01d0 z\u00e0i y\u00ecq\u01d0<br \/>\n\u4e0b\u8f88\u5b50\u6211\u4e5f\u8981\u8ddf\u4f60\u5728\u4e00\u8d77\u3002<br \/>\nI want to be with you in my next life too.<\/p>\n<p>Having said so much, it does seem that Chinese people are getting more liberal in self-expression. I have been surprised on quite a few occasions recently to hear characters in period dramas say &#8220;\u4f60\u7231\u6211\u5417 (N\u01d0 \u00e0i\u00a0w\u01d2 ma &#8211; do you love me?) and &#8220;\u6211\u5f88\u7231\u4ed6&#8221; (W\u01d2 h\u011bn\u00a0\u00e0i\u00a0t\u0101 &#8211; I love him very much). As a modern person who grew up in Singapore and being fairly in touch with Western culture, I still blush when I hear such expressions, especially from ancient people! Perhaps my awkwardness only reveals my age. I can&#8217;t help wondering if the younger generation finds it a breeze to say I love you in Chinese. In Singapore, we hardly hear anybody say it in Chinese, but in English, it&#8217;s not that uncommon. By the way, if my husband were to say it to me, I&#8217;d probably put my hand on his forehead to check if he was having a fever.<\/p>\n<p>How about between parents and children? According to <a title=\"'I love you' bewilders Chinese parents\" href=\"http:\/\/english.peopledaily.com.cn\/90882\/8525750.html\" target=\"_blank\">this article<\/a>, there was a recent experiment whereby young people called their parents to say &#8216;w\u01d2 \u00e0i n\u01d0&#8217;. While some parents were happy to hear that and responded gamely, most were taken aback. They either did not quite know what to say or retorted with questions like &#8216;Are you drunk?&#8217;, or &#8216;Are you in need of money?&#8217;. This is the video, which is heart-warming but also at the same time hilarious as I can definitely relate to the stunned responses. *<br \/>\n<div class=\"video-container\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"\u5927\u5b78\u751f\u6253\u96fb\u8a71\u8aaa\u300c\u6211\u611b\u4f60\u300d \u7239\u5a18\u641e\u7b11\u56de\u7b54\" width=\"500\" height=\"375\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/zrdf4ow608Y?feature=oembed&wmode=opaque\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/div>\n<p>Before I end off, I would like to share another observation. It is something personal but I believe other Chinese people raised in English environments probably have similar sentiments. While I find it almost impossible to say &#8220;w\u01d2 \u00e0i n\u01d0&#8221;, somehow it is easy to end emails with &#8216;love&#8217;. At times, I even can&#8217;t resist saying &#8216;lots of love&#8217;. It seems that when the English mode button is switched on, I take on a slightly different personality. Verbalising it is still unthinkable, but writing it does not seem like mission impossible &#8211; the English language seems to make me a little more candid.<\/p>\n<p>Does the Chinese way of loving surprise you? Do share your thoughts and experiences!<\/p>\n<p>Until next time. Meanwhile, Happy Valentine&#8217;s, and also, \u5143\u5bb5\u8282\u5feb\u4e50 (Yu\u00e1nxi\u0101o Ji\u00e9 ku\u00e0il\u00e8 &#8211; Happy Yuanxiao)!<\/p>\n<p>*The original video I embedded has been taken down, so this is another video, but essentially doing the same experiment. (2015 Mar 28)<\/p>\n<div class=\"su-spacer\" style=\"height:40px\"><\/div>\n<span style=\"font-family: 'book antiqua', palatino; font-size: 18px; color: #000000;\"><span style=\"color: #3366ff;\">If you&#8217;ve enjoyed this, don&#8217;t forget to hit one of the sharing buttons below, and do join me on<\/span> <span style=\"color: #008000;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.google.com\/+Akikolingoland\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"color: #008000;\">Google+<\/span><\/a>\/ <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/pages\/Akikos-Lingoland\/273268649500168\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"color: #008000;\">Facebook<\/span><\/a>\/\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/channel\/UCRdH0bs8eiB8R9PXGGin0zA\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"color: #008000;\">Youtub<\/span><\/a>e\/\u00a0<span style=\"color: #008000;\"><a href=\"http:\/\/twitter.com\/AkikoLingoland\" target=\"_blank\">Twitter<\/a>\/ <a title=\"Pinterest\" href=\"http:\/\/www.pinterest.com\/akikolingoland\" target=\"_blank\">Pinterest<\/a><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><span style=\"color: #3366ff;\">!<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"su-spacer\" style=\"height:40px\"><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Are you aware that for the Chinese, it&#8217;s double Valentine&#8217;s this year? CNY ends today, the 15th of the first month. This day is called \u5143\u5bb5\u8282 (Yu\u00e1nxi\u0101o Ji\u00e9) or \u706f\u8282 (D\u0113ng Ji\u00e9 &#8211; Lantern Festival). It is&#46;&#46;&#46;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4944,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[293,78,82,96,92,177],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4913","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog","category-culture","category-mandarin","category-musings","category-songs","category-useful-phrases"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t<!-- All in One SEO 4.9.10 - aioseo.com -->\n\t<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Today is Double Valentine&#039;s for the Chinese. 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